Un-elevened bread

1. Rescued Sailors Were Running Low on Oxygen
Despite concerted effort during 76 hour ordeal to grow gills.
2. Willis Earns Career-High 15th Victory
No question as to what he is talking about.
3. Lutherans to Vote on Ordaining Gays
Gays hoping Lutherans don't realize what ordain means.
4. Saddam's Family Dissolves Legal Team
Just like the old days.
5. Britain plays down proposition to 'rebrand' minorities
Considering advertising campaign touting branding as cool, just like piercings.
6. Pam Anderson Sued for Breach of Contract
Breach of shirt encouraged.
7. Gore Wins 3 Straight Nationwide Events
None of them elections.
8. Sorenstam Wins Her Own Tournament
Not surprisingly, so does T-Clog.
9. Sea Fighter Could Play Crucial Role
Mermen particularly suited for battle against evil Captain Nemo and his shark army.
10. Small Satellites May Play Big Role In Future Interplanetary Missions
Georgia Satellites to play small role at county fairs.
11. Pa. Family Finds Alligator in Fish Pond
But no fish.