Flirteen

1. N.Y. Manure Spill Blamed for Fish Deaths
And one god-awful stink.
2. Giant Waterfall Discovered in Calif. Park
Discoverer not dissuaded by catchy TLC song.
3. Attorney: Nuke Waste Put Community at Risk
Failed to consider benefits of multiple Toxic Avengers.
4. Man Arrested at Okla. Airport With Device
Anal Intruder not seen as a threat to airline passengers, but to moral fabric of society.
5. Van Halen Sues Baltimore Orioles
Eddie Van Halen gives up piano and goes to law school.
6. Fed Chairman Inspires Virginia Painter
Specializes in still-lifes.
7. Chrysler Introduces Dodge Ram Mega Cab
Towing capacity allows for requisite oil tanker to be pulled behind.
8. All Striking British Airways Staff Return
Unremarkably plain staff stay home.
9. Lebanon Frees Radical Muslim Cleric
Free radical cleric wandering the countryside causing cancer, then healing it.
10. Sharon Goes From Builder to Dismantler
Lucy ready for next round of Legos.
11. Google Halts Scanning of Copyrighted Books
Didn't realize how many books there were.
12. Scientists find errors in global warming data
'Scientists' working for Exxon-Mobil.
13. Schwarzenegger Accuser Said to Strike Deal
'Like a girlie-man.'