Marshalls, Spies, and Niners

1. President Bush to Visit Idaho Next Week

Seeks out last remaining state where his approval rating tops 50%.

2. TV Show Host Scarborough Weighs Senate Bid

Long-time apologist for those who wallow in crapulence, questionable ethics, can no longer resist getting in on piece of the action.

3. Community-Based Homes Seem to Help Addicts

Often able to find "connection" without having to leave front door.

4. Park Service Director Still Traveling

Flipped out, still "going the distance"

5. Roberts' Indiana Upbringing Is Studied

Cited as possible source of yellowed teeth, unholy Hoosier alleigance.

6. Israel to rescue cats, dogs from Gaza settlements

Growling and hissing beasts refusing to go anywhere.

7. World running out of time for oil alternatives

US Department of Energy cities eventual implosion of our sun, and subsequent wind-depleted, atmosphere-less Earth as disincentives to further explore those technologies.

8. Research Ties Arsenic to Tumor Growth

Those who consume rat-poison could potentially develop life-threatening tumors.

9. Could That Lump Be a Hernia?

Or are you just hapy to see me?