TENsion Headache

1. Thousands Blacked Out Across Northeast
After unprecedented weekend of debauchery.
2. Don't Get Crushed by Your Home
Keep all walls where they were when you found them.
3. SEC Warns Goodyear of Possible Action
"Dude, that chick's giving you the eye!"
4. Four held under anti-terror law
Giant, incomprehensible tome good for something.
5. Wolves Waive Hoiberg for Luxury-Tax Relief
The Mayor looks for a new town to call his own.
6. Roberts Once Wrote of 'Abortion Tragedy'
As part of poem written in junior high.
7. Babies Caught Up in 'No-Fly' Confusion
Don't undestand that diapers aren't suppose to allow that kind of access.
8. Study: Pain Neurons Respond to Garlic
Vampires left out of medical advancements once again.
9. Computer-Related Repetitive Stress Injuries
Masturbation tops the list.
10. Older adults often don't get the care they need
Boring and repetitive stories drive caregivers away.