EnlighTENing

1. Chisox Win First World Series Since 1917
Shoeless Joe finally allowed to leave Iowa cornfield.
2. Rosa Parks: A Woman of Substance
No longer.
3. Zeta-Jones Dishes on Life As Working Mom
Including army of nannies and other servants.
4. Clinton Accusers Tour His Library
Looking for books to burn.
5. Burned Body Found in Miss. Is Ill. Student
So ill he's dead.
(note: why is it that journalists are still avoiding the two letter postal abbreviations? We learned those in elementary school, 25 freaking years ago)
6. Software helping insurers plan for terrorist attacks
Large number of websites devoted to bomb shelters, foraging off the land.
7. The word of God, on iPod
MP3 player filled with mostly worship and praise music, some ACDC.
8. Senate Votes Down Heating Aid Increase
Poor people really need to get a lobbyist.
9. New DNA Map Will Help Find Bad Genes
Old ears will help you find Bad Religion, Bad Company.
10. Skin, Hair, and Nails
All good.