Octogenerian

1. Miers' Answer Raises Questions
Foremost, "Is she on the tail-end of an Algernon drug bender?

2. Cable Deal a 'Mixed Blessing'
It includes TV Land and ESPN, but it also includes the CMT and FoxNews.

3. New tactic in meth fight
Encase the meth in spikey iron clubs

4. Saluki big men hope bulk equals success
Employing strategy commonly known as "The Oprah Gambit."

5. Man Recovers from Shark Attack
However, psychological scars from tortorous 10 minutes of Barnstormer may last a lifetime

6. DeLay Lawyers Want Judge Taken Off Case
Wouldn't mind baliffs & jailers not being involved, as well.

7. Bush pushes for guest worker program
With little more to lose, throws tosses final Hail Mary of attempting to reinstate indentured servitude.

8. Stars sign on for Johnny Cash special
It's the least several hundred of them can do, since he appeared on all their albums within the few years prior to his deth.