Cat and Nine Tails

1. Bush Sees Locals Leading Gulf Rebuilding
Points at them and smirks.
2. Subject of Taped Beating Says He Was Sober
Wishes he was drunk.
3. One Dead When Train Rams Truck in Texas
And we can be certain it wasn't the engineer.
4. Delay Sought in S. Africa Corruption Trial
Corrupt on at least two continents.
5. Russian Spacecraft Returns From 7-Day Trip
Drunk. Again.
6. Calif. governor signs bills aimed at sex offenders
A veritable kick in the crotch to sex offenders.
7. Urine test spots chlamydia in male teens
Urine spots precede tests in certain teen males.
8. Mental Illness Behind Self-Harm Often Undiagnosed
All too common cases of Gottawakaphobia plague society.
9. New SIDS Policy Recommends Pacifiers
Not The Pacifier, with Vin Diesel.