Joan Sevenerence

1. Bomb Scare Halts Stones Show
"Bomb" scare should have halted 9 of last 10 albums

2. Adelphia founder indicted for tax evasion
Got nothing on "tax evasion" of Philadelphia founders

3. New York subway 'may be target of terrorist attack'
Bush 'may be about to deliver speech on terrorism'

4. Many nursing homes run risk of catastrophic fires
Whenever Mixdorf is in town

5. Police Kill Armed Man, Hostage in Fla.
Raising ire of armed men, hostages nationwide

6. ACLU Sues Over Conditions at La. Jail
UCLA sues over conditions at L.A. jail

7. Man allegedly drops pants in restaurant, eats customers' food
Not that they were going to eat it at that point, anyway