Nine

1. Nigeria Seeks U.S. Help in Jet Crash Probe
Nigerians obviously watching a lot more JAG than CSPAN.

2. Slain Wife of Attorney Stabbed in Abdomen
Embalming fluid splatters everywhere. This is really not her week.

3. Businesses Asked to Fund Governor's Trip to China
Schwarzenegger to press secretary, "You released WHAT to the media??? Oh, well, fuck it. I'll schedule my own indictment right now and save everybody a lot of time."

4. Boys will be boys, even when they're cheerleaders
Looking up at all the times you would expect.

5. DAKOTA COUNTY
The future of a combined North Dakota and South Dakota, if they don't shape up.

6. AGAINSTALLODDS
Phil Collins sentencing to follow shortly after Sting and Iraqi man.

7. Miles powers Blazers past Raptors (AP)
Alas, only if some day he is one day driving Portland's team bus.
(is Miles going to see this???)

8. Garrity's buzzer-beater lifts Magic (AP)
In a way that winning could never do.

9. Kyrgyz Protests Enter Third Day
Many signs having been now been replaced by tridents, the slap, slap of their flappy feet echo endlessly outside the shell-encrusted hall of the Great Pearl Goddess.