Nine....times....

1. Bin Laden slams EU over prophet cartoons
Criticism takes the form of a daily blog decrying the implausible situations the prophet is shown in.
2. War protesters halt traffic, recall dead
Post apocalyptic survivors halt dead, recall traffic.
3. Japan appoints cartoon ambassador
Hello Kitty wins close vote with Seizure Robots.
4. Delta jet makes emergency landing in SC
Passengers immediately set upon and eaten by hillbillies.
5. Leader of body parts scheme makes plea
"Send me your body parts!"
6. Jury awards $590 million in Reno killing
"Just to watch him die" not seen as valid defense.
7. Flashy lawmakers take seats in Pakistan
Those nearby urged not to look directly at them.
8. Lewinsky and the first lady
Sometimes Bill just watched.
9. Ukraine, Russia resolve gas disagreement
Using tried and true "smelt it, dealt it" axiom.