One to grow on...

1. NY Gov. Spitzer resigns amid sex scandal
Briefing room filled with rapidly discarded clothing as reporters engage in various aspects of mutual pleasure.
2. Plane flies too close to Capitol in D.C.
Comes within reach of the very angry Dick Cheney.
3. Kevorkian plans congressional run
Hoping to work his magic on 'imposed' term limits.
4. Analysis: Democrats do delegate math
Republicans believe math is tool of the devil.
5. EPA smog rule near
Will cover the earth in hazy despair.
6. Accountant loses 300,000 pound grape lawsuit
Not a good accountant, as grape was in fact only 3000 pounds.
7. E-voting is for beer-swigging, porn-loving youths: Polish ex-PM
Who now polls poorly among the beer-swiggin porn-loving demographic.

or
Now under investigation for running illegal alcohol and porn distribution ring.

8. Chinese promoters riled by Bjork outburst
Apparently had not listened to any Bjork albums.
9. XM Radio to launch George Strait channel
Causing Sirius to rescind merger offer.
10. Sonya Hartnett wins large book prize
Remains frustrated as it does not fit through her door, let alone on her mantle.
11. Hemingway letters uncover family ties
Including screenplay for pilot episode.