sTENtorian

1. Clinton likens herself to 'Rocky'
Unclear which aspects of brutish fictional character she was claiming for herself.
2. Pelosi says Democratic race should go on
Urges McCain to drop out, says "to hell with two party system!"
3. Gore announces anti-warming effort
Announces intention to have a bowl of ice cream.
4. Married troops can live together in Iraq
All unmarried troops as well.
5. Kathie Lee Gifford to join NBC's `Today'
NBC hopes to enter Guinness Book with records for vapidity and inanity.
6. EPA issues new rules on lead paint
Now safe to drink.
7. Hayden: Pakistan border poses danger
Clarifies, "Not the actual border, the people there, oh, you know what I meant!"
8. Love in the octopus' garden
Takes groping to an all new level.
9. Viagra: still going strong 10 years on
Urge immediate medical attention!!!
10. Experts now recommend hands-only CPR
Unless victim is hot.