Ten commandments

1. McCain Calls For Citizenship Path For Undocumented Irish
Grudgingly having given in to 'niggers and chinks'.
2. Palin to Meet World Leaders, Bono
To start 'world's greatest band' shortly thereafter.
3. Obama To Shoot Hoops, McCain To Nap Before Debate
Thereby explaining the sweatpants and bed head.
4. UK experts say Stonehenge was place of healing
Specializing in back injuries caused by lifting.
5. Airliner overruns O'Hare runway, no injuries
If you exclude underwear, dignity.
6. Salt shortage, high prices may mean slippery roads
Not to mention bland foods.
7. Gambler's $20M lawsuit against casinos tossed
Did not know "when to fold 'em".
8. Congress, Bush team agree on some bailout terms
3 hours spent overcoming Bush's association of 'bailout' with childhood boating trips.
9. Did Pakistan soldiers shoot at US helicopters?
Reporter looking for any information you might have.
10. Obesity may diminish a man's fertility
And chances of testing it at all.