Eight Days a Week

Jamaica Braces for Ferocious Hurricane Ivan
Like only Jamaica can - getting totally stoned

Dean Offers Critiques, Solutions for Dems
Damn tasty sausage too.

Engineer Builds Robot That Walks on Water
Christians flock to worship it.

Scientists Stumped by Dead Croakers
Not fluent in frontier gibberish

Officials ponder loss of hospital
"I swear I saw it there just yesterday."

Children's issues effort to widen
Children widen an issue of effort (or lack thereof)

These workers go beyond labor
They are Eagle Scouts.

Popularity can't extend '94 assault weapon ban
Of the people, by the people and for the people now just a feel good slogan