9 Gol-Den-Rings

1. Hundreds Protest Near Kerry-Bush Debate
Sponsored by "Americans for Just Getting Along"

2. Attorneys in Right-To-Die Case Cite Pope
As a perfect example of someone who should be put out of his misery.

3. Graham Said to Plan Crusade in New York
Teddy Graham. Band of zealot animal cookies to spread sugary, cinamony goodness throughout the streets of the city that never sleeps.

4. Series of Fla. Hurricanes Delay Funerals
Soon-to-be-dead people still swirling in giant circles hundreds of feet in the air

5. U.S. Offers Internet Downloads of $50 Bill
According to email forwarded by my mom to everyone she knows

6. UNCTAD Urges Complete Africa Debt Write-Off
World praises large, brutish creature for his unexpected, compassionate plea.

7. Experts Predict Mount St. Helens Eruption
If statistical models by Seismologist Dr. Peter Brady can be believed, residents of Seattle & Portland can soon be expected to have mud splattered all over their skirts and textbooks.

8. Nobel Scientists' 'Natural Selection' Takes Decades
But we should expect these skinny, brainy fellows eventually lose out in competition with more aggressive, huskier members of their species.

9. Launch of New Space Station Crew Set
"Holy shit, guys, did we just forget the shuttle??"