Also Ocho

1. Ashlee Simpson to Sing Live Again Tonight
To have louder, amplified version of her song played at the same time as this singing.

2. One Dead in Ill. Parachuting-Plane Mishap
When it knew it was in trouble, man's plane took the last parachute

3. Skater Totmianina Doesn't Remember Fall
Asking a skater to remember a fall is like asking Michael Jordan to remember a dunk

4. Rivals run a relay race for president
GOP dreading the Cheney leg

5. Total Lunar Eclipse to Grace World Series Game 4
St. Louis to seek, out of retirement, former Atlanta pitcher Terry Forster

6. U.S. Works to Deliver Flu Shots, Some Don't Wait
Inject selves with empty syringes

7. Overweight People Struggle to Exercise
In particularly hilarious segment of Married With Children episode 38: "Al Joins a Health Club"

8. Americans Head to Mexico for Scarce Flu Shot
Risk countless unknown, exotic afflictions to avoid exposure to 3-day generally manageable known sickness.