Barbitu8

1. Ford Posts Profit But Loses Money in Cars
Headline writer thoughtful enough to note that Ford involved in car business

2. Greenspan Tries to Soothe Housing Worries
Massages them with toothless gums

3. Iran Given Last Chance to Halt Uranium Enrichment
Defiant country steps up orders of calcium, Vitamin B12

4. Wild Parakeets Splash Color on Seattle's Gray Skies
And absence of color on Seattle's Gray Sidewalks

5. Texas Instruments Plans $300M Investment
Execs emerge from strategy meeting convinced world is ripe for another calculator craze

6. Animal welfare group challenges Japanese whaling in Australian sanctuary
Scores of Aussie parishioners slaughtered for valuable, blubbery innards

7. Cockpit recorder from crashed cargo jet too damaged to be of use
Now THAT's a crash!

8. Accused forger tries to fake an escape
The fact that he forged a pair of carbon-steel wire cutters only makes things worse for him