Cameron Diez

1.
Kerry Says Bush Fails U.S. Commander in Chief Test
Bush: Test? What test? Where's Dick Cheney?
2.
San Francisco Mayor Seeks to End Lockout
Finally finds practical use for those really big keys.
3.
Lawyer Defends Self Against Terror Charge
Sits nervously on porch with loaded shotgun.
4.
NYC Crowns Ms. Subways for Centennial
Has had more riders than the 7 train to Queens.
5.
Georgia Court Throws Out Hate Crimes Law
People of Georgia celebrating with spontaneous cross-burnings, lynchings.
6.
Consumer Confidence Hits 7-Month Low
Bad decision choosing generic raisin bran leaves them shattered.
7.
One vacancy could reshape court
His track jeans and ill advised jumpshots will be missed.
8.
Cassini to Look at Saturn's Giant Moon
Anyone in the vicinity WILL look at T-Clog's moon.
9.
Earth to See Total Eclipse of the Moon
Experience total eclipse of the heart.
10.
Scientists: Biological Weapons Pose Major Threat
Friday lunch at Chili's leads to profound breakthrough.