A Special Halloween Edition: DEADlines

1. Hacking Pleads Not Guilty in Wife's Death

Prosecution turns attention to other verb suspect, skewering.

2. NASA Picks May 2005 for Launch Date

Laughing behind their clipboards as they go to fancy restaurant where they will meet date, prepare chair with spring-loaded seat.

3. Leaks spoil skating oval

Surface now pocked with steamy piss holes.

4. Minneapolis club factions strike deal

Those that use sleek, varnished billy clubs join with those that prefer primitive, wooden cave-man type

5. Vikings: Moe ready to go

His eye-poking, nostril-grabbing, while clearly illegal, permitted; for they keep refs in stitches

6. Snoop Returns with 'Masterpiece,' Remixes Doors

Ray Manzarek keyboard solo constitutes longest sample in rap history.

7. Indonesia's Hobbit-Sized Humans Find Humble Home

Rounded up to work in Pennsylvanian coal mines

8. Ancient Star Dust May Point to Human Origins-Study

Takes an independent investigation to determine disgusting, aging David Bowie still bears any resemblance to the rest of his species.

9. Day from Hell May Have Killed Off Dinosaurs

One by one, woke up with hair all frizzy, poked eyeliner pencils into eyes, and drove off the road.

10. Kerry Promises 'A More Balanced' NASA

Begins by pronouncing it 'NASAN'