10 on the Upswing

1.
Scientists Close in on Source of Cosmic Rays
Still no explanation for popularity of Ray Romano.
2.
Digital Temblors: Computer Model Successfully Forecasts Earthquakes
If left unchecked, may one day cause them.
3.
Scientists Intrigued by Rare Dead Whale
Japanese, Norwegians not among them.
4.
Scientist Stephen Hawking Decries Iraq War
Been thinking about it for a while.
5.
Bush Outlines Agenda for Second Term
Will never provide greater details.
6.
Clinton Library Displays Glitz in Preview
Glitz? Whew! I thought you said something else.
7.
World Wants Changes from Bush to Open a New Era
Speaking for Bush, Cheney urges world to go fuck themselves.
8.
Computer Scientists Cautious of E-Voting
Where were you 6 months ago?
9.
Democrats Face Months of Soul Searching
Luckily for them their souls are still intact.
10.
1,000 women hospitalised in Portugal after backstreet abortions
Music careers in the toilet, it's come to this.