Stitch in Time Saves Nine

1. Peterson Prosecutors Prepare Closings
Begin with Grundy Center middle school, as always.

2. Viewers cry foul over animal ads
Coors drinkers, in a complete surprise, say they tire of being insulted by tired, contrived spots featuring beer-guzzling bears, football-playing horses, partying dogs.

3. The right man for the right job
The search for a man to taste-test Backpacker Pantry freeze-dried camp shrimp turns to Cedar Falls.

4. Keady begins farewell tour
Dismissing his reasoning, "to spend more time with my wife," experts predict suicide.

5. 'SNL' to Spoof Campaigns Past and Present
Hopefully to use casts of past

6. Mrs. Blair Bashes Bush on Cuba Detentions
Tony attempting a little criticism of Bush in desperate attempt to shake new nickname

7. Smugglers Caught with Falcon Cargo at Russian Base
Three stowaways, two robots, and a Wookie found under secret panel.

8. Politics, Gas Fuel Battle Over New Mexico Forest
"Baldy Mountain," long noted for a top barren of trees, soon to no longer stand out quite so much.

9. Farming Killer Cone Snails a Risky Affair
When the writers of Mad Libs need remedial English.