8 in Vain

1.
FDA Is Flexing Less Muscle
But sporting enormous erections.
2.
Specter Aims to Maintain Independent Image
Throws off mortal coil - again.
3.
Fatal Crashes Caused by Animals Increase
Despite evidence showing most damage in front of cars.
4.
Melting Glaciers Threaten World Water Supply
But not world's supply of water.
5.
Greens Paint Grim Picture of Future, Warmer World
Exhibition of storyboards from The Road Warrior.
6.
Ancient Sea Reptiles Gave Birth to Live Young
Learned that eggs just sank to the bottom.
7.
Fire Pit Dated to Be Over 50,000 Years Old
The last time an Eagle Scout successfully started a fire.
8.
Study Links Sleep Deprivation, Obesity
In those that fill all their waking moments with eating rather than masturbation.