Gibb's Old Eureka Ten

1. Samples sentenced in bank heist
Pizza pockets stuffed thousands into bag while Pace Picante Sauce locked tellers in vault.

2. Drug for Only Blacks Stirs Hope, Concern
Mysterious pill that makes Erkel seem funny now available for all.

3. Ben Wallace to miss time with Pistons after brother's death
Did not heed Wallace's warning about what would happen if "a brother drinks like that and he don't eat"

4. Kansas the preseason No. 1 for first time in almost 50 years
Team gears up for most significant underachievement in history.

6. Clippers Can't Quite Pull It Off
Nasty yellow hangnail rooted deep

7. Mother Says Alleged Abuser Ruined Her Son
Son: Hey!

8. Golf Courses Make Good Homes for Birds
First sentence in new Bush administration environmental initiative

9. Bottom-Dwelling Marine Life Found in Ga.
Swimming in and around ass-hair

10. UN nuclear watchdog chief says nuclear terrorism a real threat
One-ups small time warnings of brother McGruff once again.