Tentational

1.
Arafat's Condition Deteriorates Rapidly
Reenacting transformation scene from The Fly.
2.
Coach Wannstedt to Quit Losing Dolphins
Their constant happy attitude and playful chirps just not a recipe for success.
3.
Wil Wheaton to speak at Macworld Expo SF
Trying to change image from 'The Boy' to 'The Shill'
4.
Residents Angry Over F-16 School Strafing
Normally unengaged parents reluctantly rally.
5.
Kennedy Relative Jumps Into Politics
Quite a leap.
6.
Woman Charged With Having Sex With Boy, 8
Boy will spend life haunted by worst cooties ever.
7.

Stocks Flat; Oil Falls, Waiting for Fed

Fed, full of itself, takes its own sweet time.
8.
Powell Hopes to Improve U.S.-Europe Ties
Planning long vacation in south of France starting in January.
9.
Rap Label Bookkeeper Charged in Laundering
Not getting whites their whitest.
10.
New UK Airport Scanner 'Undresses' Passengers
Leads to remarkable increase in job applications despite risks inherent in increasingly obese population.