Twelve Unanswered

1. Bush Cancels Vacation to Focus on Relief
Tax relief.
2. Britain Cracks Down on Violent Online Porn
Jane's Addiction reminds Britain, sex is violent.
3. Blaze Guts Apartment Complex
Former American Gladiator now doing demolition contracting.
4. N.M., Ariz. Governors Debate Borders
Not really there decision to make, now is it.
5. Detroit to Lay Off 150 Police Officers
And replace them with crime-fighting robot. Bitterness high among those affected.
6. World's Oldest Person Dies in Netherlands
Just there for the legal pot.
7. Scientist: Brazil Nearly Built Atom Bomb
Would have, if not for pressing need to build Carnivale float instead.
8. Bush: U.S. Must Protect Iraq From Terror
Rhetoric now completely off the tracks.
9. New Structure Found at Ancient Ohio Site
High in the middle and round on both ends.
10. Chinese Try to Get Chimp to Quit Smoking
Should consider not giving them to her.
11. "Hot spot" found on one of Saturn's moons
All the hottest stars are there.
12. Robotic arm can improve motor control after stroke
Can also crush the throat of your enemy.