Back in the Thick of Eight

1. Egyptians Vote in Presidential Election
Curiously, for George Bush. Voting machines by Dibold.

2. A Home for the Brave
3422 Johnson Street-9 months since last bathroom cleaning

3. Baton Rouge a Booming Haven for the Displaced
Crowds soon to be joined by mysterious Swimmin' Dude.

4. Council election draws 8 in fray
Council election draws ape with Fay Wray

5. DOUBLE IDENTITY
Probably starring Halle Berry and Tommy Lee Jones

6. Out of Africa come hoop lessons
Unfortunately, conducted by Meryl Streep and Robert Redford

7. 'Transporter 2' Carries Off Audiences
Producer left, head buried in hands, wondering what the hell he was thinking

8. Singapore calls for public effort to stem spread of dengue fever
Middle school chaparones call for public effort to stem spread of "Merengue fever"