Helleven

1. Grieving Clemens Wins After Mom's Death
Blames each opposing batter for her death.
2. Architect Offers Changes to 9/11 Memorial
Every architect, unable to contain their critical nature.
3. Plan to Blow Up Rudolph Truck Upsets Some
Encourages yahoos everywhere.
4. Egypt's Culture Minister Resigns Over Fire
Frankenstein's attempts to join mainstream hits setback.
5. Beloved History Book Gets Translation
Inadvertantly by near illiterate Western Cultures teacher.
6. Calif. Gov. All but Says He'll Run Again
With all speeches couched in stale one-liners, it's hard to be certain.
7. Democrats Rally Behind NYC Primary Winner
Not realizing he is a Republican cyborg.
8. Entangled Whale Calf Frees Itself
Using a flashlight and bolt cutters.
9. Frozen-thawed ovaries transplanted in sheep
And you thought brain freeze (ice-cream headache) was bad.
10. New Warning Issued for Colorectal Drug
Only effective if taken orally.
11. True age revealed in tooth enamel
Mighty Tom actually from the Bronze Age.