She's only seventeen.

1. Police Searching For Bank Robber
Good.
2. Ophelia Lashes N.C. Coast With Rain, Surf
Better than last year's Hurricane Gargamel.
3. US economy seen as strong ahead of Katrina
Use of New Orleans levee analogy scrapped.
4. Bouygues reports 39 percent jump in first half net earnings
Bogues reports 39 inch vertical.
5. Terror Leader in Iraq Declares War on Tape
Sings praises of 'the glue of Allah'.
6. Chile Court Strips Pinochet of Immunity
Immediately stricken with pesky head cold.
7. Fujimori a lightning rod for Peruvians in Japan
Demands to be removed from pagoda roof.
8. Dutch to Open Electronic Files on Children
Covering them with a fine powder of ones and zeros.
9. Ex-Child Guitar Prodigy Sexton Reflects
Found innocent of vampirism.
10. Author Bushnell Explores Powerful Women
Binocular Bushnell explores women of all types.
11. Weiner Bows Out of NYC Mayoral Primary
Returns to bun.
12. Radioactive Waste on Track to Be Moved
Engineer guiding train straight for it relieved, hope they do it soon, since this damn thing doesn't stop too freaking easily.
13. Runway Safety System Called Inadequate
Audience littered with chunks of frail supermodels.
14. Hubble spies homeless black hole
Katrina's swath of destruction encompasses entire universe.
15. Ex-Shuttle Chief to Lead Ark. Space Center
Space shuttle up on blocks in the front yard.
16. Consumer Reports Finds New-Car Window Stickers Vastly Overstate Vehicle Fuel Economy Ratings; Photo Available
In 8x10 and wallet size.
17. Heavy drinking tied to heart rhythm problem in men
Low levels of melanin in skin linked to rhythm problem in white men.