Toowelve

1. FEMA Sets Up Office in Texas As Rita Nears
On the coast, made of palm fronds.
2. Texans flee fearsome Rita
Lovely Rita remains in Liverpool.
3. Griffey Jr. Having Season-Ending Surgery
At season ending time.
4. World Golf Team Ready for Presidents Cup
Still sweaty from his days at Yale.
5. Cosmetics Firm Reviewing Kate Moss Deal
Columbian drug lords waiting in the wings.
6. Guidant Recalls More Pacemakers
All currently used by Dick Cheney
7.Europeans Drop Harsher Stance on Iran
Dust off dated but effective Buffalo Stance.
8. U.S. Envoy Wants to Visit North Korea
Chevy Envoy wants to visit gas station.
9. Google WiFi hints are on Web
As are Google's plans to destroy the Earth.
10. National Archives Indian Records Discarded
Pretty much the last slap in the face possible.
11. House GOP Begins Katrina Response Probe
Deems federal response excellent.
12. Bill Would Require Safety Plans for Pets
Bill can just shut his pie hole.