Happy New Year From All of Us Here at Headlines!

1. More Rain, Snow in Store for West Coast
Flagship store for 'chopper gear' accessories considers adding roof.

2. Museums Advised to Check Bible-Era Relics
Doubts cast over authenticity of John-the-Baptist's Tevas, Last Supper salad tongs.

3. Japanese Princess Engagement Announced
To ancient, evil spirit warlord. Jet Li sent to investigate.

4. FBI Probes Laser Beam Directed at Cockpit
Early suspect is Airplane's "Johnny"

5. Letter Warned of Air Force Sex Assaults
Meanwhile, nations around the world suddenly requesting an invasion.

6. Changhong Electric to Post Losses in 2004
Recovery slow after unfortunate Godzilla, transformer run-in

7. Canadian Food Inspection Agency says suspected case of mad cow detected
Milking units laying on side, hay all over the place, hoof-sized hold punched in barn wall all the tell-tale signs

8. Review: Advances Make Car-Sharing Easy
Most notably, additional seating to right, rear of driver.

9. Space Station Crewmen Lost Weight on Board
Definitely not anscestor of Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott

10. Tough sledding on roads
Like playing Frogger, without ability to go side-to-side