Some for the 21st

1. Drew Peterson surrenders on gun rap
At the insistence of JayZ


2. Clinton, Obama converge on Florida
So hot it has caused numerous wildfires


3. Bush lets Americans send cell phones to Cuba
Aside from dying, the only thing he lets Americans do


4. Singing black hole prof makes breakthrough
“Vaseline was instrumental”


5. Oil execs: Record prices not our fault
“We are innocent, beautiful angels, and you should be jealous,” reports their leader


6. Arrest ends pilot’s nude romp in the Woods
Golfer should be able to take on 9 holes soon


7. Why did Harrison Ford get his chest waxed?
“So Calista Flockhart can learn to surf” attempts Carl Rofkamp at local amateur comedy club, later booed and escorted from the premises