10 - a magic number

1.
European Probe Lands on Saturn's Moon
Despite insistent pleading, no one will come near T-Clog's moon.
2.
Calif. Town Tries to Recover From Mudslide
Town devastated by chocolate flavored drink. Considering drastic relief efforts including "hair of the dog"
3.
Mobsters Busted in Gambling Crackdown
Pledge to 'not be taken alive by you coppers' falls far short.
4.
Military Has Discharged 26 Gay Linguists
No place for lisps in Arabic.
5.
Joe Volpe named to replace embattled Judy Sgro in mini cabinet shuffle
Judy throwing off the timing of all the other dancers with her freeform interpretive dance.
6.
Coyotes Chairman Disputes Amount of Debt
Ignores boxes of receipts from Acme.
7.
Intelligence Future-Gazers Look at 2020
Relied heavily on quatrains of Nostradamus.
8.
Researchers Link Gene to Form of Deafness
Gene Simmons of KISS.
9.
Scientists Unveil Dinosaur-Eating Mammal in NY
65 million years too late.
10.
Study: Albatrosses Often Circle Globe
Parking places hard to come buy.

OchoOpolis

1. Jefferson Airplane drummer Spencer Dryden dies
Of bites from shark who got mad at 30 years of being jumped over

2. Actor who played 'Temple of Doom' villain dies
Of injuries sustained after very badly blue-screened image of himself lands in croc-infested waters

3. Baseball adopting tougher substance policy
Hopefully, this tougher substance will be used to construct players to replace those currently in their fragile, DL-ridden ranks

4. Black Hawk Crash in Colombia Kills 20
Crash in Black Hawk County Destroys Iroc-Z

5. Iraq Car Bombings Up Under Interim Gov't
Curiously, US Military Humvees were not blown up prior to occupation

6. Rebranding Physics = Making Einstein Youth Friendly
Making physics "cool." Let's hope it works for science like it did for religion.

7. Comet-Crasher Will Probe Solar System's Origin
Hopefully will not run into probe designed to sterilize soil samples.

8. New AIDS Campaign Uses Animated Characters
Hoping to capitalize on previous PSA successes of "Lion Thing" and "Jimney Ricket"

1 For the Money

Woman Finds Random Groceries In Serviced Car
Car, oddly sticky, filled with Brachs Pick-a-Mix, single strawberry and Capri Sun juice pouches.