The Art of Ten

1. N Korea expels S Korean managers
They return to S Korea, which is where they manage best, anyway.

2. Comoran rebel seeks asylum
THE asylum. He's rebelling against sanity.

3. Skin Deep: Experimenting With Makeup: What Puts the ‘Ick’ in Lipstick?
Foodservice cooks.

4. Finding Political News Online, the Young Pass It On
Sorry, that should have read "Pass On It."

5. Iraqi Army’s Assault on Militias in Basra Stalls
Now holed up in men's rooms, militias begin employing dreaded new form of "yellow cake"

6. Clinton Calls for Aid for Struggling Homeowners -
Cheney calls for AIDS for struggling homeowners

7. Jonah's First Fishing Experience
Church Youth Group takes him "fishing for men"

8. M.L.S. Looks to Latin America to Lift Its Game
Multiple Latin Sclerosis begins rampant spread south of the border

9. McCain Urges Cuts over Bailouts in Mortgage Crisis
Cheney urges cutting people and jail in mortgage crisis.

10. New Century's Risky Lending Practices Detailed
People borrowing 10 zillion Space Bucks to pay for their hover cars

Many tentacled wonder

1. Pentagon admits mistaken arms shipment
Both lefts.
2. Meat Factory Explodes
Many Burundian dreams dashed.
3. New evacuations in Ark. as levees weaken
When the levees break, you've got no place to stay.
4. Clooney, Zellweger whistle-stop
At the urging of people nearby.
5. Consumer confidence plunges in March
In like a lamb, out like a really depressed lion.
6. Nude portrait photo of Sarkozy's wife for auction
Thankfully no known nude portraits of US first ladies.
7. Record bingo winner to keep working as cleaner
$57 jackpot just not enough to retire on.
8. St. Louis Fed taps Bullard as president
Nagging knee injuries seen as no major detriment. 3 point shot a bonus.
9. Endeavour and crew leave space station
Involuntarily, at the behest of recently assembled robot.
10. Study: Warming may threaten Lake Tahoe
"Evaporation a bitch," scientist explains.