Base Ten

1.Boys' Bodies Found in Milwaukee Lagoon
Lagoon surrounded by every manner of common household object, all made from bamboo. Police have seven suspects.
2.Couple Faces Charges in Glass-in-Food Scam
Literalism wins out over creativity in scam naming.
3. Man hangs underwear on park workers' trucks
Possible link to underwear found buried in local back yard.
4. Peru Presidential Vote Count Slows
Smaller numbers easier/faster to say out loud.
5. Lionel Richie electrifies Libyans
All night long. Had them dancing on the ceilings.
6. Return of 'Chief' commands low ratings
Making himself taller pretty much a one trick pony.
7. Woman who died after Disney ride had brain bleed
Testing of all those at Disney theme parks found similar problems.
8. The new breed of soldier: Robots with guns
John Connors goes into hiding.
9. White House: Congress Picks Medicare Date
For Medicare Ball.
10. NASA Won't Release DART Mission Report
JART mission report includes evidence of avoidable accidents caused by reckless behavior.

Sevensies

1. 49-year-old woman dies after riding Epcot's 'Mission: Space'
Mission: Heaven

2. Eye infections linked to contact lens solution a mystery, company says
Media moves on to other, more explainable news stories.

3.'I like boring,' Clinton says of life out of office
While wearing a shirt with a power drill logo

4. Wardrobe hang-ups
A tendency to get freaked-out by talking animals, among others

5. Wild: A season that almost never was
Thanks to those "Smarch" calendars.

6. High-profile defense lawyer joins high-profile law firm
And they all go to work in a high profile office building, riding a double decker bus.

7. Assistant chief temporarily heads Minneapolis Fire Department
Replacing Apache Chief. They'll have to see if they can go dig those ladders out again.

Eleven months a year

1. Gas Costs Expected to Be High This Summer
Next stop EscalaBackbone.
2.NBC Secures Matt Lauer on `Today'
Next installment of Where in the World...to be far less interesting.
3. Pilot Survives Experimental Plane Crash
Experiment a success.
4. Democrats Relive Clinton-Gore Excitement
Got marginally satisfying blow job from Tipper.
5. Cheney Throws Out First Pitch in D.C.
Hits first baseman in the face. (too obvious to avoid)
6. Lott Lawyer: State Farm Destroying Papers
Unlike a good neighbor.
7. Bush to Host Lebanese Prime Minister
Actually lesbian Prime Minister - won't Bush be surprised.
8. Bush Glad Cheney Not Running for President
Wouldn't want to run against Cheney.
9. Former Milwaukee cop denies beating an unarmed man in the street
Beat him in the "fuckin' face".
10. Deadly voyage for African emigrants
A headline 400 years too late.
11. Computers Hijack Wash. Quarter Design Vote
And so it begins.

L8 Night 6

1. Lawyers for Duke Players Say DNA Clears Team
Drawers for Duke Players Say DNA nearly clears comforter and headboard
2. NASA Announces Plan to Hit Moon in 2008
Plans to bring Cmdr Fisto out of retirement for special mission.

3. Pacers help playoff hopes, beat Knicks (AP)
Sports writers fast running out of independent clauses to precede ", beat Knicks."

4. In for a big surprise
The doggie trying to bury a bone in backyard of south Easton Ave.

5. Group says diet drug linked to pre-cancer
Those with "current cancer" show interest.

6. Why 'leaker in chief' charge harms the president
45% of the public assumes it has something to do with urine