Ten over time

1. Steele: Limbaugh fracas a 'sideshow distraction'
Republican party now more like clown car than actual circus.
2. Suspects Questioned in Pakistani Cricket Shooting
"Damn thing wouldn't stop CHIRPING!"
3. Clinton: Israeli home demolitions 'unhelpful'
Though site of naked man sitting on toilet in rubble hilarious.
4. Altimeter 'had role' in air crash
Showed clearly when the plane hit the ground.
5. Ukrainian security agents raid Naftogaz offices
Looking for Nazgul.
6. Singer Phil Collins finds new passion in the Alamo
Searching undeterred for its basement.
7. Sudan leader: No international court can touch me
Has no hopes of even short-lived musical career.
8. Bush says it's 'essential' to help Obama
Should have thought of that before he fucked everything up.
9. Rights group: 1,000 seized in Gambian witch hunt
Gambian university major rival of Hogworts.
10. Drunken mayhem mars St. Patrick's in Ireland
In other news, sun rises, sky blue.

Eight is never enough

1. Obama puts Bush species rule on hold
Hoping to keep Bush's from breeding.
2. Engineer invited teen to operate locomotive
Hoping to stoke his coal box.
3. Officials cite broad power for president in memos
These memos, written in early days of Clinton administration, were looking to expand the executive branch's power over 'broads'.
4. Ring exposes rift in 'right-to-die' movement
Actually an elaborate plot to rule them all.
5. Wall Street shows modest moves a day after tumble
Not trying to regain respect all at once.
6. Fidel Castro: 2 leaders undone by 'honey of power'
Ending Cuban association with Yogi Bear and Boo Boo. Should have seen this coming.
7. Mass. man fined for Chuck E. Cheese mascot assault
Extremely low quality of pizza sent man over the edge.
8. Kids Prefer Veggies With Cool Names
Flavored like chicken nuggets.