Seven

1.Ky. officials want to ban liquor devices
Bottles and cans are clearly the work of Satan.
2.Ryanair launches bid for Aer Lingus
Women everywhere launch bid for cunilingus
3.Online dancing star struts into boardrooms
Delivering lunch.
4.Bolivia's polished VP steps from shadows
Glare blinds all around him.
5.Bon Jovi to repair homes in Philadelphia
Community service for a life of crappy music.
6.Donald Trump expands from the boardroom into booze
Bad hair of the dog.
7.NASA Completes Survey of Nearby Supermassive Black Holes
Really big. Really black.