Feight of Nations

1. Congress Passes Far-Reaching Energy Bill
Far reaching and short-sighted, like the forbidden love child of Mr. Magoo and Stretch Armstrong.
2. Iowa Woman Apparently Kills Sons, Self
Note left behind indicated picture of grandmother demanded it.
3. Police: Nude man was searching for Forrest Gump's home
RUN Forrest, RUN!
4. Wendy's to Sell Part of Tim Hortons Chain
Tim no longer biking to work.
5. Prosecutors Looking Into Whether DeFede Violated Florida Taping Law
If nothing else, loud CLUNK at end of songs should be illegal.
6. Prosecutors Clear One German Referee
They're no Evil Knievels, but a good start nonetheless.
7. New Stamp to Honor Presidential Libraries
USPS running out of stamp ideas, considers 64 best butts in America.
8. Rice Proposes State Department Shuffle
"They're not here to cause any trouble..."

Double Trouble (eight from two pickers in one locale)

1. Shots to the Heart of Iraq
And we're too late (djh)
2. Study Finds Disabled Renters Face Bias
Ghost of Len Bias haunts building. (pjm)
3. Ames Lake housing to offer extras
Views of Lancelot, Elaine, People's Bar & Grill (djh)
4. Israel Angry at Pope Over Terror Comments
Looking for young Christian convert to crucify. (pjm)
5. Police Crack Accused Child Molester's Code
Contained entirely within the lyrics of PYT (Pretty Young Thing) (djh)
6. Failed London Bombs Made With Plastic Tubs
Plastic Crockett nowhere to be found. (pjm)
7. Genetics Leave Felines Without Sweet Tooth
Mostly tasted salty. (djh)
8. Golden Treasure Unearthed in Bulgaria
Unholy 'treasure' unearthed on Easton. (pjm)