13 out of the darkness

1. Bush's Iraq-Afghan farewell tour marred by dissent
Like latest Eagle's farewell, though not regarding ticket prices.
2. US anti-kidnapping expert kidnapped in Mexico
Heckuva job Brownie.
3. Rice: Bush approach best to achieve Mideast peace
Doing nothing and hoping for the best involves least amount of effort, occasionally succeeds.
4. Cruise says he regrets 'glib' outburst on 'Today'
Ripped thin veil that hides his insanity.
5. Scientist says he has found oldest spider web
Hasn't vacuumed since winning the Nobel Prize in 1956.
6. Obama left with little time to curb global warming
Dick Cheney runs out the clock with four corners of the globe offense.
7. Few real mysteries found in Minn. Senate ballots
One marked ballot appears to be the silhouette of Jesus.
8. Gun clubs tout safety record after boy's Uzi death
First 8 year old to kill themself with an automatic weapon since 1982.
9.Family: Shoe thrower hates both US, Iran role
We are all shoe throwers now.
10. Israel frees 224 Palestinians, including groom
Worst wedding reception ever.
11. Peru seizes 3 tons of cocaine mixed with guano
That's good shit.
12. Pelosi sees about $600 bln for stimulus
Plans to purchase world's most expensive vibrator.
13. New Food Pyramid Is Aimed at Kids
3 pointed object seen as more dangerous than Jarts.