8 after a break

1. Qantas jet lands with gaping hole in fuselage
To be fixed with mucilage.
2. Scientists expose mystery behind northern lights
10 bored Canadians with flashlights.
3. Brewers stay hot behind Braun and Hardy
Fuckers are blocking the fan.
4. AP: Food industry bitten by its lobbying success
Warned that giant lobbying spider a bad idea.
5. Air Force missile launch crew fell asleep
Been awake since 1962.
6. LA prosecutors oppose motions in Spector retrial
Ghostly visage tough to see even when standing still.
7. Obesity creeps up in US: report
Given away by labored breathing.
8. Oxygen therapies may ease headache pain
Screenings of last 10 minutes of Total Recall prove point.