Fi'teen

1. Concessions and Tension, Then a Deal
And another customer relents and forks over seven bucks for nachos at the ball park.

2. Spraying to Make Yards Green ... but With Paint, Not Water
Had 18 year-old Gibbons somehow become a homeowner

2.  Seattle Ponders (Some More) the Wisdom of Replacing a Roadway
City council recalls troubles in the sixties that resulted in expressway that routes 'round concrete-clad rabbit hole.

3.  Deal leaves liberals disheartened (Politico)
Like most deals offered liberals these days, it resembles deal offered Lando Calrissian.

4. Bob Dylan Brings His Anti-War Classics To Vietnam
Dylan one step from marooned Japanese soldiers as depicted in Gilligan's Island.

5. Judge Blocks Deal Lifting Protections For Wolves
Those in MN not aware that there was, nor had ever been, anything working in favor of 'Wolves.  But there, too, goes it. 

6. Death Toll Rises To 5 In Hawaii Fireworks Bunker Blast
Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took, alas, looking at a transgression this time that all the soapy dishwater in the world cannot wash away.


7. Which Children Should Get New Jersey's Funding?
Modeled after neighbor Delaware's Bill (never introduced) requiring witch children to get funding.

8. Mayor: Half of Iowa town damaged by tornado
Church flattened, pull-tab bar still standing. That's not hard math.

9. Turkey condemns 'disproportionate' IDF violence in Gaza
Punctuates remarks with a particularly emphatic "Gobbledy-GOO!"


10. Sidney Lumet: Last of the Great Movie Moralists
Everything since then just Will Ferrell and flying cows.

11. Divided Poland recalls air crash
Polish still stymied, confused, and in disaccord after failing to find debris following "warm air/cold air collision"

12. Gulf pressure on Yemen's leader
As amazing son of a bitch attempts world record at freediving 



13. Landmarks From Two Decades of Study
Time for "career student" to clear out the empties.

14. More Unrest in Syria Wounds 5
Frustration mounts in poorly-named band as they see their less talented counterparts, Maroon 5, relish in stardom. 


15 Rory McIlroy Holds Biggest Masters Lead Since 1997
All just a prelude, however, to M-Club's "Masters" tournament, pinnacle of the sportsworld's year.