Ten - 10

1. Harvard drops 'early action' admissions
Girls who 'put out' appealing in their own way, but aren't 'Harvard' material.
2. New Orleans mayor marks 100 days
On his chocolate calendar.
3. Ohio woman missing from cruise ship
Authorities looking into whether she may have been accidentally eaten by other passengers.
4. HP chair to step down in leak aftermath
Leaving a stinky cloud in her wake, and muffled snickers everywhere else.
5. Bermuda dodges Florence with no injuries
Lifting the veil on the long-held secret that Bermuda is the secret lair of an arch super-villain.
6. Panic, Monkeys lead Woodie nominations
Damn dirty apes!
7. High school dropouts earn far less money
Lies by guidance counselors about the high pay of unskilled jobs leaves many angry.
8. Small Prehistoric Whale Was Vicious Hunter
Looks down his sharp pointed nose at pussy whales of today.
9. Tai Chi or calisthenics good for obese diabetics
Triple cheeseburgers not.
10. Take an aural adventure with Richard Bangs
Also offers anal and oral adventures.