All I could find

1. Honda robot conducts Detroit Symphony to warm response
Responding otherwise would have been unwise.
2. Divers find Caesar bust that may date to 46 B.C.
Caesar salad from Applebees not much younger.
3. 'Darth Vader' spared jail in Jedi church attacks
Emporer's manipulation of galactic senate continues unabated.
4. Man says JetBlue made him sit on toilet
More likely it was Taco Bell.
5. Bush disappointed with intel before Iraq war
Wisdom, dexterity not too great either.
6. Queen Elizabeth underlines British support for Turkey's EU bid
Highlights a few minor grammatical errors.
7. More than 2 million U.S. youths depressed: study
Favorite band sold out.