Tom Turkey Ten

1. Obama picks graybeards as wartime Cabinet
Specifically Gandalf Greybeard, who despite his inscrutable reluctance to use magic in battle, gives a rousing pep talk to nervous troops.
2. SUV hits kids outside suburban Los Angeles school
Driver proves masculinity, has no regrets.
3. Brazil tries to rush aid to flood victims
Trips over Paraguay.
4. Boy George 'beat escort after sexual advances spurned': court
Escort to never live Boy George beating down.
5. Madonna's brother steps behind camera
Takes another picture of Madonna.
6. LEARNING TO TURN DOWN DATES IS A CRITICAL LESSON FOR GIRLS
Crushing the hopes of boys critical skill in later life.
7. How Long Is Too Long?
This long.
8. Quinn done for season with broken finger
Letting down long line of mighty forebears.
9. HD or Standard Def? One in Five HDTV Owners Don't Know the Difference
Continue to get dental care from that 5th dentist.
10. Facebook Wins Spam Suit
Refuses to wear it.