The Zen of Ten

1. Tropical Storm Katrina Nears Florida
Waves close behind. They're blocking out sunshine.
2. Robertson Apologizes for Chavez Remarks
Only Jesus sees his fingers crossed behind his blackened soul.
3. Wal-Mart Suspect Said Mentally Disturbed
Seen as typical Wal-mart shopper.
4. FBI Probing Alleged U.S. Islamic Leader
Can't seem to overcome his ticklishness.
5. Mortgage applications fall
Consequences of messy desk finally realized.
6. GM extends discounts for everyone
To imaginary people, fairy creatures.
7. Agent: Birk Needs Assurances From Vikings
Will be allowed to rape AND pillage.
8. Scientists Present Rare Woodpecker Audio
Cover of Inagaddadavida.
9. Swaziland Girls Celebrate End of Sex Ban
Begin listening to Sex Bomb.
10. Texas Schools Launch 'Virtual Cafeteria'
Eating virtual food seen as good step in fighiting obesity.

Evil TENevil

1. Panel Overrules Feds on New England Bases
In rare reversal of attitude, New England chooses to care.
2. Motorola Phones Let Parents Monitor Kids
Without actually having any real contact with them at all.
3. Mayor: Suspicious Truck Near Fenway Not Terror Related
Filled with hot dogs, the content of which IS suspicious.
4. Free Land in the Heartland Draws Newcomers
Circa 1862.
5. Utah Man Charged With Insurance Fraud
The plot of Fletch, starring Chevy Chase.
6. Scotland's "Braveheart" honored, 700 years on
By having his entrails returned.
7. Franks, Packers Agree to Long-Term Deal
You come in a bun, we eat you.
8. Playboy to hit Internet with digital edition
Previous analog website accessible to none.
9. AOL to reform customer service in Spitzer pact
In a related story, lifelong friends agree to never change, in spit pact.
10. Kucinich Gets Hitched to British Woman
Only socialized dentistry could create his equal.