The Sporting Life

1. Bulls' Rose uneasy with fame Still beat up

Local thugs don't care.

2. Paine: Too much Rondo bad for Celtics?

Likelihood of more than one being on a team at a time very low.

3. Spring football may have a new look in the future

More pastels.

4. Masters champion Watson pulls out of Quail Hollow

Not the quail's vagina.

5. Only 17 Kenyans show up for preliminary Olympic trials

That's probably enough.

6. Veteran Sludnov leads the way at Russian swim nationals

Allowing lazy headline writers to write Sludnov goodnov.

7. Colts owner has 3-hour meeting with Andrew Luck

Luck decides to stick with much less lucrative architecture career.

8. Valentine criticizes Youkilis, then apologizes

Youkilis' reputation as baseball goon from Bugs Bunny cartoon remains intact.

9. College chess champs uproot, move to Missouri

Improbable mecca of chess.

10. Playing nice? Mavericks' West tries wet willy

God only knows where Delonte West's finger has been.