7

1. US hands over Iraq army control
Slowly, over the course of 3+ years.

2. Waste-hit Ivorians await cabinet
Covered in shit, feebly holding up a spindly upmbrella.

3. Bird flu: 'People need educating'
"So take you hands off your ears, open up your eyes (and your mouth), take a deep breath, and come closer so I can explain this to you," continues virus.

4. I will quit within a year - Blair
Seconds after Bush whispers "I want you out of here in a year"

5. Israel eases Lebanon blockade
But, as parting shot, pronounces "blockade" like Nute Gunray.

6. Burundi's rebels sign ceasefire
Agree, with government officials, that fire needs to be conserved for flame-broiling, should the opportunity ever arise.

7. China meddling angers Zambians
Who, the Chinese discovered, were trying to scare people out of Zambia by pretending it was haunted.