An embarrassment of riches...
1. Thai red-shirts storm TV station
Like most red shirts, repelled easily, and their deaths were barely noticed.
2. Kyrgyzstan holds day of mourning
Mourning their loss of vowels.
3. Fashion's latest fixation: 3D
Nearly flat, super skinny models to be replaced with actual people.
4. Obama, world leaders work to stop nuclear spread (AP)
Can't believe it's not butter.
5. Investigators say no problems with Polish plane (AP)
Other than it's in about 1000 pieces.
6. A woman uses a Krankcycle
Hoping to loosen up her inner krank.
7. More than 20,000 watch as Texas Stadium dynamited
All of them trapped inside.
8. Rivals ready to pounce on out-of-form Nadal
What happens in the locker room, stays in the locker room.
9. Ancient Pre-Human Skeleton May Contain Shrunken Brain
Providing direct link with modern conservatives.
10. New species of giant lizard found in Philippines
Headed north to destroy Tokyo.
11. Cyclone kills 89 people in eastern India (AP)
Jeff Hornacek not adapting well to life in retirement.
12.Congress looks into smokeless tobacco in baseball
Congress: yep, it's disgusting.
13. NASA still struggling with stuck valve in space
Likely solution involves piece of metal. Not sure of its timely availability.
14. Private Moon Bases a Hot Idea for Space Pioneer
Today's space pioneer is tomorrow's super villain.
15. Red shirts take over "richest part" of Bangkok
Oriental city.
16. Rescuer says God led him to Fla. girl in swamp
Girl also claims god's role in determining her location in swamp. Spokesman for god not returning calls or e-mails.
17. Drawing Power from Dutch Coastal Dikes
Don't think they won't put up a fight.
18. Obama: W.Va. miners died in pursuit of better life
A route to China.
19. Center-Right Victory in Hungary Could Mean Big Changes
But only for Hungarians
20. More medical tests are planned for Bret Michaels
Attempt to explain impulse to write crappy songs goes on.
21. Watching R-Rated Movies May Lead to Early Alcohol Use
Among other things.
22. More U.S. Women May Be Obese Than Thought
Making 'No Fat Chicks' paraphernalia more and more counterproductive.
23. Our Universe Was Born in a Black Hole, Theory Says
"So was your mama!' replies anonymous gentleman in the back.
24. Senators see privacy problem in Facebook expansion (AP)
The Facebook.
25. Wal-Mart to limit toxic cadmium in kids' products
Ending years of touting it.
26. India government wins confidence vote easily
Now likely overconfident.
27. Greek parliament backs hefty cuts
Not so Greek chorus - "Hefty! Hefty! Hefty!"
28. Oops, wrong house: Workmen dig up trees, then flee
This week on "The Arborists".
29. Germany veteran Butt gets World Cup call-up
German mooning team set to regain lost glory.
30. UK Parliament opens with ritual and change
Somebody had to go back to Trafalgar Square to get a shit load of dimes.
31. Calif. mother finds abducted daughter on Facebook
Petulant daughter refuses to 'friend' her.
32. Final: South Africa 1, Mexico 1
Years of anticipation wasted as the FIFA World Cup kicks off in a way only it can.
33. Miley Cyrus: 'I'm not trying to be slutty' (AP)
It's everything I can do to overcome my freakish teeth.
34. 6-story Jesus statue in Ohio struck by lightning
And he thought crucifixion was painful.
35. Casey's General Stores 4Q net income up 41 pct
Questionable hot dogs slowly rotating in the window look damn tasty in a deep recession.
36. Petraeus slumps at Senate hearing, jet-lag blamed
Really just sick of talking to these assholes.
37. What's the Most Dangerous Move in Karate?
Not the foot sweep.
38. Many Retailers Report Sluggish Sales in June
Disgruntled teens forced to work summer jobs seen as likely culprit.
39. Duck boat passenger: Barge collision 'surreal'
Barge captain had the elongated head of a goat.
40. U.S.-Russia may seek spy swap to free agents
Russians hoping to lure Lebron to basketball mad Novosibirsk.
41. Human genome: the hunt continues for 'malicious proteins'
While humanity in general searches for delicious proteins.
42. French team performs face transplant with eyelids
Lucky recipient more likely to lose staring contests.
43. Viagra-popping seniors lead the pack for STDs
Thoughts of Viagra popping seniors with STDs doing wonders to control sexual activity of youth.
44. Many Docs Deliver Cancer Diagnosis Badly: Study
Recommend less reliance on the phrase, 'you're hosed'.
45. Low-Income Children Not Getting Adequate Dental Care
Or pretty much anything else.
46. First lady, MLB team up against childhood obesity (AP)
MLB in denial about adult obesity.
47. School cafeterias to try psychology in lunch line
Pretty sure previous use of reverse psychology counts as psychology.
48. Study: Legalizing pot won't hinder Mexican cartels
May make more people care less.
49. Helen Thomas on being anti-Semitic: 'Baloney!'
Plans new brand of Kosher baloney.
50. Jordan Valley joins list of peace obstacles
List now officially includes even the scenery.
51.Wladimir Klitschko to fight Dereck Chisora
In late night Prague bar fight.
52. About 150 Kurds go on trial in Turkey
Implicated in altercation with one Miss Muffet.
53. Insider: Justin Bieber Was "Harassed" at Laser Tag Fight
Laser Tag fails to achieve long sought respect, even with help of popular celebrity.
54. Rep: Celine Dion hospitalized as precaution
Doctors hoping to prevent release of next album.
55. Many obese people see no need to lose weight
Simply not worth the effort.
Sell only white meat.
posted by Pat @ 12:01 AM
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